Lead With (un)Common Sense — Sneak Peek

Here’s a preview from the Honesty section of Lead With (un)Common Sense. It challenges the traditional view of honesty and reframes it in a way that helps leaders build trust through consistent, values-aligned behavior.

I used to think of honesty the way most people do. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t steal. Keep your commitments. Pretty simple, right? But over the years, I’ve come to see it a little differently in the context of leadership.

Honesty means that you align your words and values with your behavior and acknowledge when you veer off course.

Dishonest leaders don’t just say what’s not true. In fact, most of them don’t flat-out lie to their people. Lack of Honesty in leadership happens when leaders say they believe in – or stand for – something, but behave in ways that are inconsistent with those values and beliefs.

Everyday Honesty 

A few years ago, I was sitting in my home office, neck deep in developing the ideas you are now reading, when something outside caught my eye. My garden hose was being pulled across the street, leading to a house under construction. 

My first reaction? Annoyance. 

I did some quick mental math: a new build, with a plumber probably testing his installation for leaks, my house was the closest water source. The pieces fit, but I was still upset that he hadn’t asked me. He just took my hose and my water. 

So, in full-on self-righteous homeowner mode, I stomped outside, found the guy, and let him have it. 

“Hey! It’s fine if you need to borrow my water, but at least ask me first. You’ve got trucks and cars running over my hose in the middle of the street – come on!” 

I turned and started walking back without even waiting for a response, feeling fully justified with my “assertiveness.” 

Then, over my shoulder, I heard, “Oh, I'm sorry! I knocked, but nobody answered.” 

I should have left it at that. But nope. Instead, I threw out a final, sarcastic jab: 

“Well, we do have a doorbell.” 

And then I went back to my desk, smugly convinced I had “won” the exchange and feeling very good about it. 

For about three seconds. 

Then, reality hit me. I was literally sitting in my office, working on content about living in alignment with one’s values, putting other people first, and showing care for the human experience of others – and I had just selfishly been a complete jerk to this guy.

That’s when a couple of things clicked for me. First, it doesn’t matter what our values are if we don’t actually live them. That’s what Honesty in leadership is all about. Second, the real test of Honesty (aligning our words and values with behaviors) isn’t about perfection. It’s what we do when we realize we’ve veered off course. Do we ignore it? Justify it? Or do we put in the effort to realign? 

I had veered off course. So I did what felt uncomfortable but necessary to get me back into alignment with my values. When I saw the plumber rolling my hose back up against the side of my house, I got up and walked outside. I stuck out my hand and said, “Hey, man, I’m sorry. It’s just a hose. Use it whenever you want.” We shook hands. He smiled. And we both felt better. 

That moment had a couple of effects on me. It showed me that even though the plumber and I would have gone on with our lives just fine if I hadn’t apologized, that small interaction still mattered. He may not remember it, but even years later, I do – because it wasn’t just about him. It was about taking action that would help me become the kind of person and leader I want to become. Of course, the impact we have on others matters. But just as important is the impact our behaviors have on us as we develop our leadership character. 

It also reminded me that, as much as we try, we all mess up. We all say we believe in certain things – integrity, kindness, fairness – but sometimes our emotions pull us out of alignment when we’re stressed, frustrated, or under pressure. That’s normal. It’s called being human. And it’s OK. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is progress. It’s being aware and willing to course correct when we find ourselves off the path we want to be on. 

Honesty lays an important foundation, but like Humility and Humanity, which are coming up a little later, it can’t stand on its own. As you’ll see, these three traits work best when they’re practiced together. More on that later.

Why Honesty Matters in Leadership

If you were to ask any leader if behaving in alignment with their own and/or their company’s values is important, they’d say yes. I have yet to meet anyone who argues against it; it’s obvious for so many reasons. Employees aren’t just looking for a paycheck. They’re looking for companies they believe in. Customers aren’t just buying products. They’re aligning with brands that reflect their values. Leaders aren’t just expected to deliver results; they are also expected to inspire others and lead with integrity. 

But what’s less obvious is why alignment between values and behavior is the foundation of everything else. If you don’t get this right, nothing else in your leadership works the way it should. Honesty is what makes trust possible. And trust is one of the cornerstones of effective leadership. Very few things erode trust faster than a leader who says one thing and does something different. We’ve either experienced it firsthand or seen it happen over and over again. A company claims to put employees first while slashing benefits. A brand builds an entire campaign around ethical sourcing, only to have investigations uncover exploitative labor practices. A leader talks about encouraging innovation and risk-taking, but punishes employees for making mistakes. The public – and employees – take notice, and there are usually negative consequences, either immediately or in the long-term. 

A leader without trust is just a person giving orders. A leader with trust has influence. And influence is what creates real engagement, loyalty, and results. As John Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less.” 

The reason alignment between words, values, and behaviors matters so much is simple: People don’t believe what they hear. They believe what they experience. Leaders make commitments all the time. They talk about transparency, accountability, and values. But if those words aren’t backed up with consistent actions, they don’t mean much. In other words, the audio doesn’t match the video.

A company can claim to value innovation, but if every new idea gets shot down in meetings, employees eventually just stop speaking up. A leader can claim to have an open-door policy, but if they always seem too busy to listen, people eventually stop knocking on their door. Organizations can promise work-life balance, but if promotions always go to the people who send emails at midnight and take their laptop on vacation, employees eventually get the message: output matters more than well-being. It doesn’t take long for people to recognize the gap between what’s said and what’s actually rewarded. And it quickly erodes trust and spawns cynicism. 

Once trust is gone, everything gets harder. Decisions take longer because people second-guess others’ motives. Employees disengage because they’re afraid of taking a risk. People start protecting themselves instead of thinking about what’s best for the team. Mistrust leads to hesitation, which in turn leads to inefficiency, and inefficiency ultimately kills momentum. 

Honesty shapes culture more powerfully than any strategically-focused initiative or program. When leaders’ actions align with the organization’s stated values, teams know what to expect and feel safe bringing their best. But when rules are bent to maximize profits and corners are cut to increase output and make the boss look good, people start to hold back. Either because they’re unsure how their leader wants them to handle something or because they feel uncomfortable making the same compromises. As a result, they shift into self-preservation – staying quiet, avoiding conflict, and doing what looks good instead of what’s right. 

That’s how organizations drift into bad habits without realizing it. It’s rarely the result of one big ethical failure. It’s usually a slow erosion, where minor contradictions become the norm. It’s like when the message from leadership is, “Customer satisfaction is our top priority,” but at the same time, frontline employees are pressured to cut corners or upsell unnecessary services to hit short-term revenue targets. 

Leaders who practice Honesty by aligning their words, values, and behavior – especially when it’s inconvenient – create cultures where people trust what they say because they see it in what they do. That’s what makes the difference. But despite the importance of creating alignment for those you lead, what’s just as important is creating alignment within yourself. This is about your character. And your character matters even when you could do something that nobody would know about. Because you know.

How Much Is Your Character Worth to You? 

On a trip to Southern California a few years ago, my family and I decided to spend a day at Universal Studios Hollywood with a friend and his family who lived there. We met up and got in line to buy tickets. 

As we approached the ticket window, my friend Patrick leaned over and casually suggested a way to save some money. My daughter was three at the time, but the park’s policy allowed kids two and under to get in for free. “Just say she’s two,” he said. “She’s small enough that no one will question it.” 

I don’t like wasting money, and I wasn’t thrilled about paying $144 so she could ride a few kiddie rides before falling asleep in her stroller for hours. But the moment he said it, a question popped into my head: What is my character worth to me?

I can tell you it’s a lot more than 144 bucks! It’s priceless. 

That experience reinforced something I already knew: Honesty isn’t just about the big, obvious choices in life. It’s about the small decisions – especially when no one would know the difference. Remember, you always know. 

Also, remember, people don’t expect perfection, but they do expect consistency, especially when you’re vocal about what you stand for and the values you hold. When their experience aligns with the expectations you’ve set, trust grows. When their experience doesn’t match, trust erodes. And consistent erosion leads to a complete lack of trust. 

That’s why Honesty is non-negotiable in leadership. Honesty isn’t just about avoiding scandals or staying out of trouble. It’s about creating an environment where people believe that you believe in what you stand for to the point that you’ll actually do it, and own up to it and make it right when you don’t – even when no one is watching. 

So why isn’t this just common practice? Because leadership doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It often happens under pressure, where competing priorities and personal blind spots can make behaving this way harder than it seems.

The Paradox of Honesty 

On paper, aligning your words, values, and behaviors sounds simple enough. Every leader agrees that Honesty builds trust, and few set out to break that trust. Yet in practice, leadership can be tricky, and we’re often pulled off course. The very environments where Honesty matters most are the ones that make it hardest to live out. Short-term demands clash with long-term values. Fear of fallout overshadows courage. The paradox of Honesty in leadership is that everyone knows it’s essential, but real-world pressures and internal fears keep leaders from practicing it consistently.

Below are some common things that tend to pull leaders off track from behaving in line with values.

The pressure to perform 

Results matter. No one is arguing that. But when hitting a target starts to outweigh how you get there, you’re in dangerous waters. It’s easy to say, We’re values-driven – until a deadline is looming, revenue is down, or investors are watching. That’s when the shortcuts get taken, the inconvenient truths get ignored, and suddenly, the team isn’t sure what actually matters anymore. 

The illusion of small compromises 

Most leaders don’t break trust in a single moment of blatant deception. It happens in a slow drip – one small compromise at a time. You justify cutting a corner because this situation is different. You tell yourself, It’s not that big of a deal. And before you know it, those tiny, one-time exceptions have become your standard way of operating. Remember, the standard you tolerate is the standard you set. 

The absence of clearly defined values 

Many leaders haven’t clearly articulated their own values – or those of the team. It’s not that they behave unethically without values. It’s that they struggle to behave consistently. There is no clear foundation guiding decision-making, especially during times of stress or crisis. When values are vague or unspoken, there’s nothing anchoring behavior. That makes it easier to drift and harder to hold yourself (or others) accountable. 

The pace of leadership 

Leaders move fast. Decisions pile up. The pressure feels constant. And in that environment, most misalignment isn’t intentional – it’s a reactive response. Leaders don’t mean to ignore feedback, downplay concerns, or rush their human interactions. But when they’re overwhelmed, the first things to go are the things that require slowing down – like making sure what they’re saying and what they’re doing actually match. 

I’ve never met a leader who wants to create a disconnect between their values and behaviors. But if they’re not intentional, the pressures of leadership will do it for them. That’s why Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth – it’s about making the time, space, and effort to keep your behaviors in alignment with what you claim to value. 

What makes Honesty hardest isn’t always the external stuff. Sometimes, the real challenge comes from what’s happening on the inside – unspoken fears, old patterns, and mindsets that can pull us out of alignment without us noticing.

Beneath the Surface 

The things we say or do that don’t line up with our values – whether intentional or not – are just symptoms of something deeper. They’re shaped by pressure, blind spots, and self-preservation we may not even realize are there. 

The only way to make real progress is to look beneath the surface. If you only address the symptoms (what you do) without confronting the causes (who you are), the same trust-eroding patterns will keep showing up. 

Here are a few things that often drive this misalignment:

Optics beat ownership 

The higher you climb, the more eyes are on you. With seniority comes scrutiny. And with scrutiny comes the temptation to manage your image instead of your integrity. It’s not always malicious. Most leaders want to live in alignment with their values. But when perception becomes the priority, it’s easy to say the right things and check the right boxes when people are looking, while quietly bending your values behind the curtain. But it’s unsustainable. The gap between values and actions doesn’t stay hidden forever.

Real alignment isn’t about how things look. It’s about how things are. And if you don’t regularly make space to look at your own behavior, you may find yourself performing leadership instead of practicing it. 

Success blinds awareness 

When things are going well, it’s easy to quiet the voice that says something’s off. We start telling ourselves the results speak for themselves. That success means we’re doing the right thing. The more things go right, the easier it is to repeat the same actions that produced those results, even if they’re not in alignment with values and beliefs. This is how long-term progress gets replaced with short-term wins. If the numbers look good, if customers are happy, if investors are pleased – why rock the boat? That’s why you’ll hear leaders say things like, “Sure, it’s not ideal, but look at our results! “

Sometimes it’s just the slow erosion of self-awareness. Small compromises start to feel normal. And before long, short-term success becomes the shield we hide behind, even when we’re drifting off course.

Fear of backlash 

Many leaders genuinely want to align their values with their behaviors. But what happens when sticking to their principles means making an unpopular decision? What if it upsets their boss, their board, or their team? 

The fear of backlash – of disappointing people, losing status, or looking weak – keeps leaders from making course corrections. It’s often easier to ignore or minimize misalignment than to step into the discomfort of vulnerability.

But here’s the catch: avoiding the problem doesn’t make it go away. It just makes the fallout worse when it finally comes to light. And eventually, it does. Another thing to consider is that disappointing others, losing status, and looking weak may be perception, not reality. Having the courage to stand up for what’s right may just gain you more trust, respect, and buy-in from those who felt the same way you did, but didn’t have the courage to speak up.

Identity gets tied to image 

For many leaders, their role becomes their identity. Their sense of worth is tied to being seen as competent, decisive, and in control. So when a decision backfires or their behaviors don’t match their stated values, it doesn’t just feel like a mistake – it feels like a threat to who they are and the position they hold. 

That’s when ego can often take over. Leaders might ignore the misalignment or rationalize it away because admitting it feels too personal. But when protecting your image becomes more important than living your values, misalignment becomes a pattern – and people start to notice.

What Happens When Leaders Veer Off Course – and Don’t Find Their Way Back

Misalignment doesn’t just create a little cultural tension on a team. It erodes trust, damages psychological safety, and can ultimately sink entire organizations. When leaders ignore the gap between what they say they value and what they actually do, the consequences compound over time. 

McKinsey & Purdue Pharma: When integrity gets deleted 

McKinsey & Company built its reputation on helping organizations lead with integrity and operate at the highest levels of strategy and discipline. Their brand was synonymous with trust, intelligence, and responsibility. 

But behind all that, the firm was helping Purdue Pharma fuel the opioid crisis. Instead of guiding Purdue toward responsible practices, McKinsey advised them on how to “turbocharge” OxyContin sales – by targeting high-prescribing doctors, sidestepping regulation, and undermining efforts to curb abuse. Consultants inside the firm recognized the misalignment and raised ethical concerns. Leadership ignored them. 

During a federal investigation into Purdue’s practices, one senior partner, Martin Elling, deleted more than 100 internal files related to McKinsey’s opioid work – an intentional act to hide the firm’s role. He later pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and was sentenced to six months in prison. 

When it all came to light, McKinsey paid $650 million to settle. But trust isn't something you can buy back, no matter the cost. Their carefully cultivated image of integrity crumbled. It was replaced by headlines linking them to one of the most devastating public health crises in modern history. 

The honesty lesson: The real damage didn’t start when the truth came out. It started when leaders chose results over values. Honesty means doing what aligns with your principles, not just what protects your image.

But I’d Never Do That! 

As you read something like the McKinsey example, it’s easy to think, “I’d never do that.” And you’re probably right. Most leaders won’t find themselves in a front-page scandal or a billion-dollar ethical collapse. 

But Honesty isn’t just about avoiding the big stuff. It’s about noticing where your values and behavior might drift apart in the small stuff – often without realizing it. You might never intentionally mislead, but that doesn’t mean little cracks in alignment aren’t showing up in everyday decisions. 

Those small cracks – and how you handle them – shape how your team sees you and responds to you. Over time, you either build trust or erode it. 

And while leaders carry more weight in setting the tone, it’s not all on their shoulders. When everyone on a team takes ownership of alignment – speaking up when something feels off and modeling the values they want to experience – it stops being just a leader’s standard and starts becoming a team’s culture. 

So, before we move on, let’s look at a more everyday version of a gap in Honesty. One that’s far more common, and maybe a little closer to home. 

A culture of words vs. A culture of experience 

My friend Jake once worked on a small team at a company whose founder, Adrianne, took great pride in the culture she had built. She often talked about it, describing it as open, collaborative, and people-first. And in the early days, that’s exactly what it was and what it felt like. 

But over time, cracks began to appear. Hiring decisions, internal policies, and leadership behavior began contradicting the company’s stated values. What once felt inspiring now felt – somehow – off in a way. Fear started to replace openness. The culture Adrianne described was no longer the culture people actually experienced. 

But Jake still believed in what the company could be. And because Adrianne always spoke so passionately about culture, he assumed she’d want to know what was happening beneath the surface. So, he did something most employees wouldn’t dare to do – he set up a meeting to share direct feedback about what he and others were seeing and feeling. 

It didn’t go the way he hoped. 

Instead of listening with curiosity, Adrianne got defensive. She didn’t ask for details. She didn’t reflect. She shut him down – quickly and harshly. In a tone that lacked humility, kindness, or self-awareness, she told Jake the culture was fine and that he was the problem. 

In that moment, Jake stopped believing. He stopped believing that Adrianne meant what she said about culture. He stopped believing the company’s values were anything more than words.

He disengaged. He kept his head down. And he “quiet quit,” doing the bare minimum until he could leave. And so did many others on the team. In a matter of months, most of the original team that had built the company into what it was had left.

The honesty lesson: If your actions don’t match the values you promote, people won’t just lose trust in your leadership. They’ll lose trust in the values themselves. 

Even though leaders often set the tone (as in the story above), trust isn’t built or broken by leaders alone. The more each team member feels safe in naming gaps and reinforcing what’s right anywhere within the organization, the stronger the shared culture becomes. Honesty gets amplified when it’s owned by the many, not just expected from the one at the top. 

A Bright Spot

Becoming a leader others choose to follow isn’t about not doing certain things as much as it is about proactively doing the things we know great leaders do. Amid all the examples where there’s a gap in Honesty, there are so many that reinforce what outstanding leadership is. 

Accountability at the top 

In the late 2000s, the Australian Defence Force found itself in the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Reports came out about a toxic culture aboard the naval ship HMAS Success – things like hazing, sexual harassment, and even a so-called “bounty” system where male sailors were placing bets on hooking up with female colleagues. Around the same time, similar issues were surfacing at the Australian Defence Force Academy, where stories of harassment and abuse were starting to crack through the polished exterior of military discipline. 

As Chief of the Defence Force, Angus Houston could have tried to downplay the whole thing. He could have protected the brand and the ranks and simply hoped the news cycle moved on. But he didn’t. He acknowledged the misconduct publicly. He ordered independent investigations. And he pushed for real cultural change inside the ADF. 

It wasn’t just a PR move because they’d been caught. It was a values move because he genuinely cared about the culture he led. Houston leaned into the ADF’s stated principles – courage, initiative, respect, and teamwork – and made sure they weren’t just slogans on a wall. He aligned the organization’s behavior with its stated values. 

It wasn’t popular with everyone, but popularity is not the objective of Honesty. The objective is to do the challenging work of putting your values into practice, especially when it’s tough, risky, or uncomfortable. 

Fit vs. win 

A few months into her role as a regional account manager for a commercial construction firm, Priya noticed something about her boss, Miguel. He didn’t just review potential projects for budget and timelines; he paid attention to fit. Before saying yes to a client, he’d ask: “Are we the right team for this? Can we actually deliver what they need?” 

One opportunity in particular stood out. A fast-growing logistics company wanted a major expansion built within a very aggressive timeline. It was a massive project. Big budget. Long-term potential. On paper, it was exactly the kind of win any manager would want. 

But after one meeting, Miguel shook his head and said, “They need someone who’ll just say yes to everything and figure it out later. That’s not us. We show up to solve, not to sell.” 

He passed on the job. 

It stung a bit at first. But then something better happened. A few weeks later, they landed a smaller project with a client who really wanted their expertise – and who listened. That relationship led to three more projects and a long-term partnership. 

The word got out: Miguel’s team didn’t overpromise. They didn’t force the fit. And because of that, their reputation, opportunities, and profits all increased. 

Ready for more?

If this preview sparked something helpful, the full book goes much deeper into how Honesty, Humility, and Humanity shape the kind of leadership people choose to follow. My hope is that it gives you practical tools, not just ideas. Something you can use the next time leadership gets hard, which will probably be today.

Want to use the book with your team or organization?

If you’re thinking about how to introduce these ideas to your leaders or your broader organization, I can help. I work with teams and execs to apply Honesty, Humility, and Humanity in the real situations they face — decision-making, hard conversations, accountability, culture, and everyday behavior.

Bulk copies are also available for events and workshops.